Ideas that Matter

 

Several years ago I was coaching a team of community college educators. They were struggling with a cohort of students who harbored big dreams but lacked the skills to effectively pursue them. “These students know how to dream. They know how to think big,” the administrator said, “but they don’t have the abilities needed to move forward. And when they realize the gap between their ambitions and skills, it’s crushing.”

These educators were battling a pervasive myth: Simply tell children to believe that they can do anything they aspire to, and they will develop great self-esteem and confidence. The problem with this statement was that if often lacked the follow-up guidance to develop the required skills, willpower and way-power to pursue such ambitions. As a society, we’ve observed that confidence doesn’t come through words alone, but more likely earned through actions.

As a result, the equation confidence = competence has taken root. By developing competencies and mastering skills, confidence and improved self-esteem should follow.

 

 

But this isn’t absolutely true either.

I’ve coached several highly competent executives and seasoned professionals who secretly share a nagging lack of belief in their abilities. It rears its ugly head in my own life as well. Achieving a high-level of competence in one domain doesn’t mean we’re more confident overall. In fact, it can negatively impact our ability to take new risks outside an area of expertise. It can be hard to hop on a new horse!

Confidence comes from both who we believe and know ourselves to be, and what we believe and know we can do. And this belief is bred through comfort with the learning cycle – traveling from novice to expert, from unknowing to knowing, from ignorance to understanding. It’s how we navigate this process of becoming competent that reveals our confidence quotient. This process can be informed by many factors – a sense of purpose, realistic optimism, self-awareness and resilience, among other things –all foundational attributes of confidence that can both be developed and leveraged.

The rallying cry “fake it until you make it” is often used to encourage people to step into the unknown despite a lack of confidence. And there seems to be some magic to this. But I believe what’s really happening is that people call upon some of these other foundational attributes of confidence to help them through an arduous learning curve. In reality, it’s not so much about faking it, but about relying on self-awareness, resilience, curiosity, and other foundational attributes in the face of not knowing. And in my work with professionals who might be susceptible to feeling like an imposter, it’s critical to differentiate faking it from relying on other factors positively affecting confidence.

Three foundational attributes that I’ve found to render particularly high impact on one’s confidence are curiosity, connection and choice.

Developing a Curious Mindset

Think about a time you were curious about something. What feelings or reactions did you experience in this curiosity state? Was it a sense of wonder? A desire to learn more? A nudge to look more closely?

Curiosity is an inviting stance. It calls us in and opens our minds. It begs for questions as opposed to demanding answers. It invites us to engage in a non-competitive way. If we approach new learning from a place of curiosity as opposed to a place of demanding expectations, we’re more likely to dive in and tackle a trial & error experience without the fear of failure hovering over us.

Being curious tells us it’s okay to explore and be a beginner. It can shift the focus from internal bantering of “I might not be good/smart/capable enough…” to a less judgmental view point of “What might this be like?” or “How might this work?” or “What might I experience?”

Approaching a daunting situation from a curious mindset helps us to listen more intently and take in information from unlikely sources, to entertain alternative points of view, and explore different approaches. Perhaps a better approach to building confidence involves developing an aptitude for curiosity. Here are some questions to consider:

• When feeling less confident, how likely are you to approach the experience from a place of curiosity?
• Where can you replace worry with a curious mindset?
• How might being curious shift your approach to a situation where you lack confidence?
• What can you say to yourself to remember to stay curious?

Establishing Connections

Establishing personal connections supplies us with allies and resources to navigate new terrain. Knowing we have someone to turn to with questions or when in need of affirmation can make all the difference in boosting our confidence.

Such connections also create a sense of belonging, which can be a critical component for confidence. Research originally pioneered by Dr. Uri Treisman shows that when college students connect with others and experience a sense of belonging, they are more likely to overcome challenges of being in a new learning environment. Many colleges now embrace the idea that a sense of belong for students, whether in the form of a study group, a connection to a faculty or staff member, or membership to a campus organization, are critical factors for student success and retention. I believe the same rule applies for the larger world. When we feel connected to others, we’re more likely to build confidence and stay in the game.

In addition to connecting to others, the ability to make connections between our personal experiences provides huge confidence boosts as well. Rarely do we deconstruct both our failures and successes, and make critical connections to identify what key influences led to particular outcomes.

When considering a past experience that was challenging you might reflect on the following:

• Where within the experience did you experience ease?
• What was challenging about the experience?
• When did a temptation to quit hit?
• What contributed to feeling overwhelmed?
• What coping mechanisms worked well?
• What was the tipping point when things began to come together?

An example for me comes from when I was nine and attempting to ski for the first time. After a morning spent on a ten-foot mound learning to snowplow and stop, the instructor told me I was ready to take the chairlift to the top of the mountain. I looked over at the lift that carried passengers 20 feet high off the ground. It careened up and over the mountain’s horizon beyond my view. Not being able to see how the passengers dismounted, I assumed they had to jump from the chair in mid-air. I quickly told my instructor I was sick and spent the rest of the day drinking hot chocolate in the lodge. That evening my sister explained how the lift lowers skiers to a small ramp where they easily stand up and slide down on their skis. After feeling slightly embarrassed by my fear, I was willing to give skiing a second try.

Today, when facing daunting challenges, the mental chatter still attacks with a loud roar. This is out of your zone. You don’t know how to do this. Who do you think you are to try this? The doubts go on and on. To keep them from completely stripping my confidence I connect to my memory of skiing for the first time. I tell myself: Get on the lift. You can’t see beyond the horizon yet. Connecting with this metaphor keeps me moving forward.

Perhaps an approach to building confidence should focus on connecting – with people, personal stories and metaphors that help to manage doubt and see the big picture.

• What personal connections would you like to cultivate?
• Who in your network boosts/strips your confidence?
• What metaphors can you connect with in the face of doubt?
• What past successes can you deconstruct to examine how you learn, how you move through not knowing, and how you handle ambiguity?

Making Powerful Choices

What was the last powerful choice you made? What outcome resulted?

A lack of confidence can hold us back from making powerful choices, taking on new opportunities and developing our full potential. Many opportunities require a leap of faith. They demand we say ‘yes’ in the face of uncertainty. They rarely guarantee success. But by making a conscious choice to move forward, we plant a seed for confidence.

The practice of stepping out into the unknown, precisely when we lack confidence, actually breeds this belief in our powers and abilities. Think of the young child shivering with fear on the diving board who transforms with a look of absolute joy after jumping in and coming up from under water.

It’s a bit of a paradox. The best way to build confidence is to act on situations where we lack it. And doing so in incremental ways allows us to develop skills and see ourselves in new ways without risking huge failures. For example, if you lack confidence voicing your opinions at work, you might commit to contributing one thought at every meeting as a constructive way to start. A small, but powerful choice to push yourself out of your comfort zone today will help you build the confidence to make the big leaps tomorrow.

When powerful choices are aligned with a greater purpose, confidence can grow exponentially. How many of you have witnessed a parent who is quiet, reserved and uncomfortable speaking out until his or her child is hurt or negatively impacted by a situation. Suddenly, the protective tiger kicks in, and the parent swiftly makes a move. When required actions aren’t about us, but about those we serve or about our greater purpose at large, the ability to move decisively and confidently seems to appear out of nowhere. This idea takes us back to other foundational attributes of confidence, such as a sense of purpose, which I’ll address in another blog.

• What powerful choices are you making to build confidence?
• What incremental steps can you take today to shape who you will be and what you can do tomorrow?
• Where are you in service of an idea or person that ignites your confidence? What connections can you make about this?

Practicing the Power of “Yet”

Building confidence happens over time, and for most of us, it’s something we practice continually throughout our lives. There’s one word that helps to travel this cycle from not knowing to knowing – yet. I don’t know yet. I can’t do this yet. I’m not competent yet. I don’t believe in myself yet.

By remaining curious, making connections, and choosing to boldly take steps in the face of uncertainty, you’ll build your confidence quotient. And when success isn’t immediate, take time to remind yourself – you might not be there yet, but you’re on your way.

 

Two weeks ago, Nicolas Kristof wrote an Op-Ed piece, Why 2017 Was the Best Year in History, for The New York Times. His point was that in a time of hurricanes and fires, disruption and political unrest, it’s easy to overlook that in 2017 fewer people around the world went hungry, more were literate than ever, fewer lived in extreme poverty, and more had access to clean drinking water.

Sometimes it’s hard to see what’s going well.

We’re conditioned to look for what’s wrong and aim to improve it. But overlooking what is going well can impede our abilities to make positive gains. It takes a lot of energy to address weaknesses, and a clear picture of what is going well can provide much needed fuel and perspective.

Gallup has invested heavily in this thinking. Their StrengthsFinder curriculum, based on Don Clifton’s strength psychology, helps people identify their strengths and leverage what they do well. Their research points out that people who are working with their ‘strengths’ do better, have more energy and are better equipped to manage shortcomings.

It’s a luxury to always be working in our strength areas, and as leaders and managers, we must examine both our own and our team’s weaknesses if we want to stay in business. But strategic leaders ensure there is plenty of fuel to tackle difficult situations – fuel in terms of time, support, and most importantly, energy. Knowing what is going well can provide a tangible and positive source of energy.

In Jim Collins’s latest book, Great by Choice, he shares stories of companies who have thrived in uncertainty and chaos to beat their industry indexes by ten times or more over fifteen years. One example he cites is how Southwest Airlines focused on what they did well in the midst of industry change, crises and recession. A big part of their operational strategy was to collect empirical evidence for what they did well – ensuring high aircraft utilization, short turn around times, and a fun people-oriented culture – and remain committed to these things in times of distraction and chaos.

This practice of assessing what is going well is one we can integrate with regularity into our businesses and personal lives.

When working with clients, I begin by assessing what’s working well across the board. And when I’m coaching someone through a difficult failure, I always begin with “What went well in this situation?”

If we can start the exploration from this point of view, teasing through challenges and failures is often less daunting. There is a lot of wisdom to glean from what’s right in a given situation.

Engaging in a “well” inventory on a regular basis can be a powerful practice. How might your business evolve when you are clear about what you do well? How might New Year’s resolutions differ if you launch from this perspective? How might addressing your challenges and inefficiencies be informed by knowing what you are doing right?

Here are a few questions to jumpstart your reflection:

• What are three successes your organization has had this past year?
• What contributed to these successes?
• What are you proud of?
• What would outsiders say that your enterprise does well?
• What about your work would your competitors wish to copy?
• Where have you had the greatest growth this year?
• Where did you have the highest return on your effort?
• Who has benefited from your work this year?
• How might you quantify this benefit?
• In five years, if you were to look back, what were the best things the organization accomplished this year?
• If you could live last year over again, what would you do the same?

If you’d like to learn more about integrating “well” inventories into your business strategy or personal practice, please contact us at [email protected].

 

Many leaders cite resilience – the ability to bounce back after adverse experiences – as a critical skill they look for when assembling a team. In fact, a media executive I recently spoke to said it’s the number one thing he looks for when hiring. “In my industry, tough things happen. I don’t have time to worry how my team will handle challenges. I need to know that they are resilient and can move forward.”

The professional landscape is rapidly changing. Unlike Baby Boomers, Gen X and Gen Y professionals, students graduating from college today can expect to hold many different jobs in various industries over the course of their career. Losing jobs will be the new norm. According to McKinsey Global Institute’s research on the future of work, approximately 375 million workers will need to change occupations by 2030 due to automation. Young professionals will need to be resilient and skilled at reinventing themselves to adapt to this new professional reality.

Technology is at the heart of this new world. According to Andrew McAfee and Erik Brynjolfsson, authors of The Second Machine Age: Work, Progress and Prosperity in a Time of Brilliant Technologies, today’s technology has an average shelf life of five years. That means five years for people to learn a technology, incorporate it into daily routines, absorb ensuing disruptions, and prepare for the next wave. Only the resilient will be able to metabolize this rapid pace of change.

So how do we stay strong, and help those we manage stay afloat in this sea of flux?

Professor Robert Sinclair and Dr. Janelle Cheung reviewed years of literature on personal characteristics that promote resilience. They developed the acronym POWER to encapsulate the elements most social psychologists deem important. POWER stands for purpose, optimism, will power, emotional stability and resourcefulness. Let’s look at how these elements relate to thriving in the workforce.

Purpose – When people have a strong sense of purpose, they are anchored in something bigger than both themselves and the immediate moment. Whether someone is motivated by a personal passion, a connection to an organization’s mission, or a desire to provide for a family, they are better able to withstand adversity. To cultivate purpose requires reflection, an awareness of core values, and a commitment to growth.

Optimism – Martin Seligman, University of Pennsylvania professor and father of Positive Psychology, defines optimism as the belief that with effort one can influence the outcome. Optimism isn’t a ‘rose- colored glasses’ attitude, but a belief that one can access personal power in adverse situations. His research with organizations such as MetLife Insurance and the military academy at West Point shows that people who tend to be optimistic perform better in highly challenging environments.

Will power – My favorite coaching question to ask clients is “What are you willing to do?” It’s rumored that when Sofia Coppola wanted to make her film, Lost in Translation, she asked her famed father how to go about it. He responded, “You will it to happen.” What does it take to ‘will’ something to happen? Action, resourcefulness and perseverance. While want reflects desires, will demands commitment. Those who are willing are more resilient.

Emotional Stability – In times of adversity, emotions run high. Most of us have received damaging emails sent in the heat of the moment, heard hostile confrontations in the hallways, and witnessed toddler like behavior at work when tension permeates the air. Understanding emotional triggers and how to manage them is critical to keep stressful moments from destroying collegiality and teamwork. While resilience is about being able to bounce back after adversity, volatile emotions have the power to snap us during adversity.

Resourcefulness – Those who are able to look beyond the norm and discover innovative ways to solve problems demonstrate higher levels of resilience. Adam Grant, author of Originals: How Non-conformists Move the World, shares a study that found customer service representatives and call center employees who used Chrome and Firefox as their browsers both performed better on the job and had a longer tenure of employment. The research revealed that it wasn’t the browser, but the fact that these people didn’t accept the default on their computers – Safari or Internet Explorer. Instead, they took initiative to download something they believed to perform better. This trait of resourcefulness translated into higher workplace performance. With the coming wave of automation, perhaps nothing will be as important for resilience as resourcefulness.

In order not to simply survive but thrive in today’s economy, resilience is mandatory for the agility needed to take advantage of opportunities. So, how are you helping your employees and teams cultivate POWER?

In my next blog, you’ll read about personality attributes that diminish resilience and strategies to safe guard against them.

When Fear Strikes…

For the last several months I’ve been toying with an idea. A big idea. One that pulls me from the familiar and forces me to build new networks, dapple in new technology, and envision a unique business model. I was joy-riding the wave of this idea until fear struck.

Fear choked my energy. It was like a floodgate lowered keeping insights from flowing. Slowly the idea started fading.

“It’s not that great of a concept.” “Someone else is better suited to do this.” “It’s impossible.” “This is a young person’s business.” All the justifications and disempowering beliefs tumbled in. I found myself slowly retreating.

What does fear do to you?

Does it cause self-doubt or create blind spots? Does it lead to denial, justification or blame? Perhaps it serves you as fuel to push through obstacles.

Regardless of how you respond to fear, it’s something that must be managed both personally and professionally. We must cultivate a healthy relationship with fear. It can be a trusted warning sign. An indicator to assess, look from all directions and dig deep for the right direction. But when fear moves from a healthy reservation to chief perspective it can paralyze us, or even worse, disengage us from the important work we want to do.

Unfortunately, underlying fears infiltrate many work environments. Employees wonder if their jobs will eventually be replaced by artificial intelligence. Business owners worry that products may become obsolete due to rapidly evolving technologies. And while the overall economy has rebounded, the impact of the Great Recession still lingers.

Employees are expected to show up to work fully engaged, feeling purposeful and committed to the organization. They are expected to add value by bringing their best ideas to the table. Yet nothing chokes innovation and engagement like fear.

So what can you do to manage fear in the workplace?

• Build a culture of connection. When people know and like their colleagues, trust ensues. Take time to see people for who they are, beyond what they do at work, to help break down the detrimental effects of fear.
• Value ideas. Create simple systems to acknowledge workers’ engagement and strides for innovation.
• Create time and space for employees to engage in innovative thinking. When people are engaged in problem solving and solutions, their fears often recede.
• Work towards a healthy framework for success. Knowing that not every initiative and project will succeed, acknowledge setbacks in ways that promote learning, while generating optimism for future opportunities and risks.
• Talk about fears. Make time for employees to share what they are experiencing (both within and outside of management’s control) and how these issues relate to the company’s culture.

On a personal level, what can you do when fear strikes?

• Learn to see it’s warning signs. Look for patterns when fear arises. Does it strike just before you make a big commitment? Does it hit when you hear one specific person’s feedback? When you see yourself moving into a fearful mode, begin asking questions. Take time to deconstruct the fear so that it can serve you, not paralyze you.
• Reconnect with your idea. Spend time cultivating it – by taking a walk, journaling, sharing it with a trusted friend – and then observe what happens to the fear. Often it will subside as you reengage and move back to the sidelines in its role of a ‘healthy fear’.
• Remind yourself that fear is normal. If you are entertaining a bad idea, that can be revealed through conscious, active examination.

In the end, fear isn’t something we can eradicate or absolutely control, but it is a phenomena, that if managed well, can positively impact engagement, innovation productivity.

Empathy – the capacity to be aware of and sensitive to the feelings, thoughts and experience of others – is something we often associate with learning on the grade school playground. However, it is not a skill all master equally, and yet it is critical to success in the work place.

As many companies strive for innovation, empathy as a professional skill is garnering attention. The popularity of design thinking as a problem solving strategy relies on empathy to put the ‘end’ users’ needs at the forefront of the process. Designers spend significant time considering how the end user might benefit from a new product or solution, what needs and challenges they have, and what other experiences they may be bringing to the situation, all which influence the creative problem-solving process. Innovators often spend significant time building ‘personas’ – templates that drive thinking to get into the heads of their customers and see how they live day in and day out. In the realm of technology and engineering, design thinking has elevated the ability to empathize as a prime professional skill.

Professionals concerned with customer service have long understood the value of empathy. Knowing how a customer experiences an existing product or service, or how he or she perceives an organization is critical for a business’s success. Today, some companies go the extra mile to truly understand their customers’ and employees’ experience. An executive at one of the premier pay-for-TV companies recently told me about their policy of having executives ride with technicians and go into people’s home to install equipment and trouble-shoot problems. He said that nothing helps upper management solve problems faster and more effectively than truly knowing their customer base and seeing for themselves what it’s like to represent the company on the front lines.

Empathy impacts our day-to-day interactions at work as well. The ability to manage up, across and down, often directly correlates with one’s empathy quotient. When coaching new managers, I spend time exploring strategies for boosting empathy. How can they better understand and anticipate their boss’s needs? How can they individualize their management style to suit a team of direct reports demonstrating different levels of motivation, experience and engagement? How do they add-value to a team of colleagues with conflicting personalities and challenging dynamics? The skill of empathy can be a new manager’s best tool for success.

Nothing can sabotage success like the lack of empathy. Just this week a coffee shop in the historical Five Points neighborhood of Denver made headlines for posting a sign that read, “Happily gentrifying the neighborhood since 2014.” Longtime residents who have called the neighborhood home for generations were insulted. The CEO apologized for his ‘blind spot’ to others’ interpretations of the sign. Empathy as to how his message could be received could have prevented a now damaged reputation.

At the most basic level, empathy can be a defining metric for appropriate and inappropriate behavior, all by simply understanding how someone might perceive one’s actions. Just last week David Brooks, Opinion Editor at the New York Times, was asked about the recent string of sexual harassment allegations in the press. He said he was surprised by how often the accused responded by saying “they had no idea women were thinking this way.” Brooks goes on to comment, “it’s an inability to put your mind in the mind of the person…it’s a sort of moral and human blindness toward another human being’s experience.”

Today, this blindness – or lack of empathy – is toppling many at the height of their careers. The time is ripe to rethink empathy as a professional skill so that all may survive and thrive in today’s workplace.