Ideas that Matter

For centuries, native practitioners of the Polynesian art, ‘wayfinding,’ traveled from island to island by honing their attention on the world around them. From canoes, they gathered information from the swell of the tides, the direction and temperature of the wind, the flight of birds, and the stars in the sky. They masterfully attended to the rich, yet subtle clues in their environment to navigate unchartered territory.

These wayfinding practices, many which have been lost due to modern technology, serve as a valuable metaphor for how focused attention can help us travel through unknown stages in our lives. When moving through a major life transition, we often feel unmoored and rudderless, unsure of where to go and how to make the critical decisions needed to create our next life chapter.

The wayfinders were masters at using their deep level attention to gather data for informed decision making. Today, there’s a huge push for collecting big data to manage societal decisions ranging from pricing to production to policy. However, we often neglect gathering personal data from our internal systems to inform our intuition and cognitive decision-making abilities. In fact, a new company, Node, believes it has created artificial intuition, and is selling technology that claims to capture the ‘human sensation of having a hunch.” According to an article in Fortune magazine, the technology will be used to help managers make business decisions.

While it sounds fascinating, it’s hard not to wonder what the costs will be for outsourcing intuition to technology.

Instead, what if we strive to model the strategies of the wayfinders by bringing focused attention to our lives and transition decisions? What if we engage deep-level attention to help us chart what intrigues, puzzles, excites, drains and conflicts us? What if we access our intuitive resources to help us navigate the journey to our next life chapter?

Engaging in deep focus and reflection isn’t always easy. It requires energy and commitment. In a study by the National Institute of Health, researchers scanned the brains of over 50 executives as they engaged in deep-level exploratory thinking. This deep-level thinking activated the participants’ executive centers in the brain – the region responsible for controlling attention and one that requires intentional focus. When participants engaged in surface-oriented thinking, the brain region that processes anticipation and reward was activated. This region is known as the pleasure pathway or reward center and explains why we often prefer answering easy emails over writing that complicated report. The science confirms that thinking deeply involves effort and focused attention. However, attuning ourselves in this manner brings a wealth of information regarding our physiological responses, energy, moods, curiosities, and inner knowledge. It fuels an awareness that serves as an internal compass, calibrated to our unique make-up that can guide us through transition.

Taking time to focus our attention has additional benefits. Once we commit to thinking about something, our brain goes on high alert and notices things we might have missed beforehand. Have you ever experienced thinking about something, for example having a child or buying a certain type of car, and suddenly you see pregnant women or the model of car you’re considering at every corner? Working with focused attention can be like this when navigating a life transition. If you place your attention to specific questions, you’ll begin observing insights and answers you may have overlooked before.

Once you focus your attention on gathering personal and internal data about your transition, you’re positioned well to make decisions and mindfully set intentions for your next chapter. These intentions then guide your reinvention process. Who do you intend to become? What do you intend to do? How do you envision going about this? Intentions become your transition roadmap.

Armed with intentions informed by focused attention, you’re then ready to begin the work of manifestation. The overuse of the word manifest in today’s lexicon is troubling. It’s common to hear people say, “I’m going to manifest this or that,” as if it’s as easy as waving a wand. Manifestation – the act of bringing something into focus – requires diligence, work and follow through. It’s the creative process of bringing something into being that wasn’t apparent before and involves laser-like focus, clarity of intention, deliberate action, and committed answers to the following questions: With whom do you surround yourself? How do you sustain your energy? What commitments are you willing to make?

At Cultivage we encourage you think like a wayfarer. Put your oars in the water and focus your attention to glean insights from the world outside and inside you as you navigate your professional or personal transition.

 

In our last blog we focused on “who” we are in times of transition. Taking time to explore our identity and who we hope to become is essential in crafting an authentic, conscious way for moving forward. The beauty of this is that with each transition, we have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves on some level.

I remember being in my early thirties and shopping with a dear friend who now has a highly successful career in the film industry. As we went in and out of stores along a busy Los Angeles street, she commented, “I haven’t figured out the ‘look ‘I want for next year.” Her words stopped me. I had never intentionally thought about a ‘look’ I wanted to create, or a vision I wanted to project for myself. I simply purchased clothes that fit and appealed to me. She, however, consciously took time to create a vision for the upcoming year and made decisions accordingly. I’ve never forgotten that moment, and I often wonder if her ability to see herself in the future and make intentional choices around such a vision has contributed to her long-term professional success.

Of course as the saying goes, “Clothes don’t make a person,” but they are a powerful metaphor for transition. They symbolize how we show up in the world. They can reflect beliefs with which we identify. They also symbolize seasons and cycles. What once fit no longer does; what was appropriate in August might not be in February. They are a tangible representation of the cycles of transition we experience, but don’t always acknowledge internally.

Society provides us with external markers of cycles of transition as we move from childhood to adulthood. The rites of passage match our budding maturity and allow space and time for reflection and growth. But once we reach physical maturity, these markers mostly disappear. Research now shows us that adults continue to develop and transition psychologically throughout life, long after our physical bodies reach maturity. But many of us hold onto the identity we formed in our early 20s without evaluating and envisioning new possibilities for the future.

In the medical field specifically, women’s transitions and rites of passage are being researched as common, significant events that produce a the transformation of both people and contexts.¹

While we continue to experience life-altering transitions as we move through adulthood, we often lack rituals and strategies to move through them. A guided cycle of retreating, reinventing and recharging at regular intervals can support this transition work. Through decades of coaching and supporting people’s professional and personal development, I’ve witnessed these cycles spur deep level transformation. It’s a process and ritual you can engage in regularly throughout your lifetime. I’ll share a few perspectives on why this process of retreating, reinventing and recharging is so important:

Why retreat?

Retreating – whether through a ten minute morning ritual, a three-hour workshop, or a multi-day adventure – provides a place of calm in the midst of the daily fray. It’s an opportunity to step back and assess what’s in front of you. Just like an American football quarter back receives the ball and retreats several steps behind the line of scrimmage to assess options for advancing the ball forward, so too can you step back to get a better perspective of what options lay ahead.

Retreating also provides an opportunity to consciously decide what you want to take forward in your life. Especially when transitions are triggered by difficult live events such as divorce or job loss, it can be challenging to create a new life chapter from a place of strength. Retreating helps to reflect on past success and make plans for carrying forward these personal assets.

Retreating also helps you consider the timing for your next chapters. When reflecting on options, I engage clients in the 3 Ns – Now, Never & Not Yet. This exercise helps you reflect on when to engage in forward movement, which can be as critical of a decision as determining what to engage in.

Why Reinvent?

The process of reinvention differentiates a simple situational change from a deeper level transition. Whether it’s a new mindset, a perspective, or belief about yourself, reinvention on a psychological level is at the heart of transforming who you are. However, new mindsets, perspectives, and beliefs are often reflected externally and may manifest in how you dress and express yourself in the external world.

I worked with a client who experienced frustration in the workplace. She didn’t feel that the environment aligned with whom she was, and on occasion it made it difficult to access her full sense of personal power at work. The timing wasn’t right for her to change jobs, so we explored ways to adapt to where she was. She reflected on the environments where she felt most powerful – in nature, hiking alone, being adventurous and wearing her Patagonia skirt. We then explored strategies for holding this image of her adventurous self while attending business meetings. While nothing changed externally, this small reinvention of who she could be at work helped her maintain energy and access a deeper sense of personal power on the job. There’s great value in taking time to consider, “What is your power suit?”

The reinvention process in the cycle of transition gives you the opportunity to try on new personas. What if you approached your next stage as a connector, an observer, a collaborator, an adventurer, or initiator? It allows grants permission to try new activities, whether they’re taking overnight hikes, reading Babylonian history, or snapping photos with an old 35mm camera.

Reinvention includes excavating parts of you that have been covered and hidden for years, while giving birth to new gifts and passions. It’s about giving attention and intention to things that drive your curiosity and inspire you to move forward in your life.

Why recharge?

Launching life in a different direction with a new sense of self takes effort, and sustaining a new trajectory requires significant energy. A critical, and often overlooked component of transition is this element of managing your energy.

We’ve all experienced the thrill of a new plan where we launch full throttle only to be exhausted weeks later. Taking time to both rejuvenate and mastermind a reasonable plan for moving forward is essential for your success. And finding strategies to help you maintain your enthusiasm are critical. Roald Dahl, the children’s writer who authored Matilda, James and the Giant Peach, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, shared that he ends his writing day when he knows exactly what comes next on the page. While often tempted to get these ideas on ‘paper’ immediately, he knows that to maintain his creative output over the long haul, he’ll be much more inspired to get to his writing the next morning if he knows where the story will go.

As you contemplate your cycles of transition, what do you need?

• Activities for reflection such as the 3 Ns – Now, Never & Not Yet?
• Methods for imagining possibilities?
• Strategies for sustaining your energy in the midst of change?

If support in any of these areas would be helpful, we’d like to offer you some free resources, access to an online program, and additional one-on-one coaching opportunities. Please contact us at [email protected] for more information or visit our dedicated website at www.retreatreinventrecharge.com.

 

¹ Turabian, Jose Luis, Women and Transitions: The theory of turning points; Journal of women; Journal of Women’s Healthcare; Vol 6 (5): e130 https://www.omicsonline.org/open-access/women-and-transitions-the-theory-of-turning-points-2167-0420-1000e130-94867.html

 

#cyclesoftransition #seasons #makingchanges #visionforthe future #recharge

It’s been said that change is the one constant throughout life.

However, deeper life transitions – those triggered by a death or divorce, the birth of a child, a job loss, or a quiet but relentless yearning inside – place us at a crossroad where we must stop. Standing at this crossroad, we must take time to question: What do we value today? What will we carry forward? What will we leave behind? What do we believe about our past? What will we create for our future? Transitions such as these typically involve a psychological shift that ultimately transforms who we are.

I remember one of my first life transitions. It was my junior in college, and I had recently returned from a semester abroad. Re-entry into my former life felt like a chokehold. Suddenly most things I had once found relevant and important no longer held meaning. I wondered if I was depressed. Getting out of bed required unfamiliar effort. All I wanted to do was sleep.

I went to see my economics professor to explain that my poor performance on the recent mid-term wasn’t a reflection of his teaching, but a lack of my effort. Always a serious student, I didn’t understand why I was disengaged, why things just didn’t matter any longer. Wise and intuitive, my professor encouraged me to be patient, to remember we move through cycles, and to give myself time to recalibrate after a semester of life-expanding experiences. He was right. I did recalibrate and fortunately loved the remainder of my college experience. I’m still grateful today for his insight.

Although I was quite young and the experience not earth shattering, it did introduce me to the dynamic cycle of transition and transformation. Once a linear thinker and passionate about numbers and the concrete world, I became eager to embrace ambiguity. The mysteries of life that evaded equations and analysis suddenly inspired me to create art and explore life from a new perspective. My career choice and my life story shifted as a result.

Salmon Rushdie wrote, “Those who don’t have power over the story that dominates their lives, power to retell it, to rethink it, deconstruct it, joke about it, and change it as times change, are powerless because they can not think new thoughts.”

Transitions, while sometimes excruciatingly painful, deliver opportunities to change our stories and think new thoughts – powerful and life-altering experiences.

To rewrite our stories requires reflection and a dose of courage. Going through this process can be difficult and lonely. A common instinct is to make an external change. Take a new job, move, sell the house, divorce – anything to change the routines of our daily lives.

Most of us have a bias for action in the face of discomfort. In fact, a study of professional soccer goalies found that when defending penalty kicks, goalies who stayed in the center of the goal, instead of diving to the right or left, had a 33% change of stopping the goal. However, these professionals only stayed in the center 6% of the time, stating that taking action and ‘doing something’ instinctively felt better.¹ Whatever activity we can ‘do’ to feel like we’re impacting change can bring a sense of relief. However, such situational fixes often fail to address the beckoning of deeper psychological shifts on the horizon.

Taking time to reflect in order to consider who you are or want to become increases your capacity for deeper level transition. Perhaps it is why many 12-step recovery programs encourage new participants to hold off on major life changes in their first year. From this place of reflection, you can begin to create a vision for your future and write the next chapters of your life story.

To learn more about reflection processes that support professional and personal transitions contact us at [email protected]. We’d love to share our resources with you.

¹Michael Bar-Eli, Ofer H. Azar, Ilana Ritov, Yael Keidar-Levin, Galit Schein, Action Bias Among Elite Soccer Goalkeepers: The case of penalty kicks; Journal of Economic Psychology, Volume 28, Issue 5, October 2007, Pages 606-621

 

 

By Maureen Breeze with Annette Watkins

Transition as a life-long process

We’ve all endured transitions. It’s part of growing up. Changes in our bodies, new schools, painful breakups, and first jobs.

Looking back, it’s clear that the person we became as the result of the transition was markedly different than the person we were before the transition.

There is however a difference between change and transition. The fundamental difference is that change is situational, whilst transition is psychological.

Many believe that once adulthood is reached, the cyclical process of emotional and psychological growth and development is over. However, research shows that adults continue to transition over the course of life. In their book Immunity to Change, authors Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey explore the role transition continues to play in adult development. They conclude that the way we see ourselves, engage with the world around us, and make meaning of life evolves as we move through specific transitions throughout adulthood.

It’s common to make tactical changes in our lives. When something no longer works or satisfies us, we might switch jobs, engage in new social circles and learn new hobbies. But there are times those these external changes fail to quell a nagging voice that tells you, “These shoes no longer fit.” The changes we make may alter circumstances, but don’t address underlying issues. This is when we know that we need more than a change and that a transition is in order. Such transitions involve a deeper shift in both what we do and how we do it, and more importantly, they center on who we are and hope to become.

Initiators of Transition

Transitions can be spurred by many things including marriage and divorce, a loss of a job, the desire for a new career, boredom, health issues, financial events, the birth of children, a death, or an empty nest. Sometimes the need for transition comes after great accomplishments. Other times, the call for transition comes from a quiet, almost inaudible voice.

When talking to prospective parents at a college, I heard a student tour guide explain the benefits of attending his small institution. “It’s a great opportunity to really get to know the professors and build deep relationships in a tight knit community. By the time you’re a senior, though, it can feel small. But that’s okay. It’s supposed to be that way. It’s time to move on.”

Time to move on. It’s at the heart of transition.

The Role Our Values Play in Transition

Whether triggered by a jarring external event or a subtle internal spur, transitions involve similar elements. First, they call for an exploration of our values to guide our decisions. What is important to us? Why is it relevant? How do these values present themselves in our daily lives?

An exploration of our values requires close examination of our changing relationship to them as well. Values help us make meaning of our world and give purpose to our lives, and when circumstances change, our relationship to certain values may shift as well. What was once of upmost importance, now may be less so. And what once might have been a prime driver in life may move to the back burner for a period of time. The process calls us to examine our values and prioritize them as we step into our next chapter.

Ultimately transition involves choices that when made consciously can impact how life unfolds through challenging and ambiguous times. In his novel, A Gentleman in Moscow, Amor Towles writes about Count Alexander Rostov, an aristocrat placed under house arrest in a Moscow hotel. The book explores this character’s journey of transition and transformation as he works to “master his circumstances lest they master him.” Inquisition, curiosity and a shift in mindset allowed him to adapt to his new surroundings and experience richness in life that might have been unknown to him without the transition.

It’s through transitions and learning to master circumstances that opportunities abound to explore who you are (mindsets, beliefs, attitudes, personalities and curiosities), what you can do (personal mission and sense of purpose), and how you choose to express your identity and chosen path.

To learn more about this exploration process, join us for a Retreat, Reinvent and Recharge workshop by emailing me at [email protected].

Stay tuned for more on the topic of transition as our next blog explores how you can cultivate a vision for transition and transformation, and strategies for creating blueprint goals for foundational change.

I recently read a report released by the Center for Creative Leadership, The Journey to the Top: Conversations with Successful Singaporean Women. This excellent resource offers tips to both employers and aspiring women, while stressing the importance of having confidence in oneself, and the ability to instill confidence in others. Yet, while we know that confidence is critical for success, strategies for actually building confidence aren’t as readily available.

Over the years I’ve had the privilege of coaching a broad spectrum of clients who struggle with self-confidence. They include accomplished engineers, straight A college students, high-level university administrators, and bold entrepreneurs. While they excel in many areas in life, they’re taunted by subtle fears of not being able to deliver on a new endeavor, of falling short of expectations, and of finally meeting that one daunting challenge they won’t be able to conquer.

Together, we deconstruct confidence to identify attributes that can contribute to a strong foundation upon which a belief in oneself and one’s abilities can be built. We then create plans to cultivate and nurture this foundation. Some of these attributes include curiosity, powerful choices, connections, awe and wonder, and are transferable to different areas of challenge in our lives. They aren’t tied to one set of skills to be mastered.

In my last blog I wrote about the attributes of curiosity, connection and choice as they relate to cultivating confidence. Today, I’ll focus on two additional pillars: purpose and belonging.

It’s commonly agreed that one’s belief in an ability to learn and adapt is at the center of self-confidence. If we believe we can learn new things, overcome obstacles and move towards mastery, we’re much more likely to take on new challenges with greater confidence. However, research now reveals that the conditions that are present when we learn new things, such as our emotional state, relationships to those with whom we’re engaging, and sense of belonging, can profoundly influence our belief system, and therefore impact our confidence level.

Numerous studies show the powerful link between emotions and learning. How we feel impacts our ability to remain attentive, to conquer new material and memorize concepts, to reason, and problem-solve.¹ And our feelings in a new learning environment are impacted by our relationship to both what we’re learning and our sense of purpose and belonging.

A child inspired by a video game easily tackles advancing levels of play because of a love for the game. A strong emotional connection to the content is all that’s needed to drive the learning. But when the content of what’s being tackled isn’t an emotional driver, other factors can heighten the emotional connection to fuel the learning process.

A participant in one of my coaching workshops wanted to learn how to snow board but was terrified by the prospect. She didn’t particularly like outdoor sports and the process was daunting. However, there was a strong purpose for her to take on the challenge. Her stepchild was a snowboarding enthusiast, and learning to snowboard her self presented an opportunity for bonding. This purpose gave her the emotional energy she needed to pursue the challenge. Over a few short months she went from a state of no confidence to one of surety as she mastered gliding down Colorado’s Rocky Mountains on a snowboard.

A sense of purpose can be the reason we exist or the reason we do something. It can be rooted in our survival, triggered by a desire to contribute, or connected to altruistic goals such as making the world a better place.

Simon Sinek, the organization consultant and Ted Talk sensation, helps organizations focus attention on why they do what they do. He believes the ‘why’ is what inspires people, what gets employees out of bed in the morning. If organizations know their ‘why’ and are connected to their purpose, they more effectively deliver on ‘what’ they do and ‘how’ they do it.

But how does purpose correlate to self- confidence?

Purpose directs our energy. It supplies us with needed fuel to move past the friction of fear. A sense of purpose also offers two other perspectives:

Purpose pushes us to think outside of ourselves. When we lack confidence we can become myopic. Our insecurities drive us to focus on what we can’t do, where we’re challenged, and what we might lack in a situation. Purpose lifts our focus to something beyond ourselves. Victor Frankel, the holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, spent much of his mental energy in the concentration camp reconstructing a manuscript that had been destroyed. His purpose was to hold onto his life’s work while enduring horrific atrocities. It sustained him when he had little confidence in life itself.

Purpose gives us hope. It points to what might be possible. It’s a psychic burst of energy that fuels our action when we doubt our abilities. After my father was left a quadriplegic from a car accident, my mother, who was in emotional shock while caring for three young children, needed to go to work. With few career skills and little direction, a wise mentor told her to remember a time when she was happy and full of hope. She recalled her days in school and the joy she experienced when learning. From this reflection, she decided to find work at a university. To secure a job in administration, she needed to be a proficient typist. With little cash on hand, she rented a typewriter and practiced for a week. She then took the test and failed. She tried a second week and failed again. What little confidence she might have had was shattered. But a sense of purpose – providing for her family and returning to a place she once loved dearly – gave her the hope and sustenance to persevere. She rented the typewriter for a third week, practiced diligently and passed the test on the third try, which launched a 30-year fulfilling career.

In addition to purpose, a sense of belonging, when consciously cultivated, can be another foundational pillar for confidence.

Neuroscience research is beginning to capture what happens to the brain when we experience a lack of belonging and social disconnection. It appears that the amygdala, the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula, become activated when we experience social threats, much like we do when we perceive potential for physical harm.² Being in a constant state of fight or flight can wreak havoc on one’s confidence. At the same time, research offers high correlations between strong social connections with greater physical health and longevity.

Education psychologists are now examining the impact that belonging has on learning. A recent Stanford study studied the impact of social-belonging interventions to support women entering predominately male-dominated fields. The interventions, including affirmation training and integration strategies, led to improved performance and greater confidence for participants³. Because a lack of confidence often plagues us most when we attempt to learn something new, methods for creating social-belonging that can be implemented by both institutions and individuals, can greatly impact overall confidence.

When Google examined how to build the best team through the launch of Project Aristotle, they found similar correlations. With mounds of data at their fingertips, they searched for drivers for high performing teams. They thought the answer might lie in gender mix, experience levels, or a calculated balance of extroverts and introverts. It turns out that empathy, equitable conversation turn-taking, and the ability to have ‘emotional’ conversations are critical drivers for most effective teams. These dynamics require elements of both trust and vulnerability – elements that stem from a strong sense of belonging.

Neither a sense of belonging nor a sense of purpose guarantee confidence, but they provide the fertile ground for growing and riding the curve from not-knowing to knowing. If you or someone with whom you work lacks confidence, take time to reflect on the “why” behind the activity, along with strategies to cultivate connections with others in the environment. Doing this can create optimal conditions for thriving in a state of insecurity as one embarks on new and unfamiliar territory.

 

¹ Tyng, CM. (2017). The Influences of Emotion on Learning and Memory, Front Psychol. 2017; 8: 1454. Published online 2017 Aug 24. doi:  10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01454

² Eisenberger, MI & Cole SW. (2012). Social neuroscience and health: neurophysiological mechanisms linking social ties with physical health. Nat Neurosci. 2012 Apr 15;15(5):669-74. doi: 10.1038/nn.3086.

³ Walton, Gregory & Logel, Christine & Peach, Jennifer & J. Spencer, Steven & P. Zanna, Mark. (2014). Two Brief Interventions to Mitigate a “Chilly Climate” Transform Women’s Experience, Relationships, and Achievement in Engineering. Journal of Educational Psychology. 107. 10.1037/a0037461.